Courage and Self love by Nurturing your own Needs

Trauma shows up in so many ways and sometimes we may not recognise it as the experience of trauma.

Why? Because we live in a world that normalises desensitisation and extreme messages of violence being the most recognised trauma instead of seeing trauma for what it really is……anything that sends a conflict, shock or emotional disturbance in to the body and mind.

Do you find yourself struggling with your emotions? One minute you’re happy and joyful and the next you feel like you’re falling apart?

Have you been diagnosed with ADHD? Do you fantasise about giving up everything and doing nothing or simply enjoying what you’re doing?

These are all symptoms of unhealthy with trauma.

You see you don’t need to have gone through an extreme trauma to be traumatised. The brain doesn’t work that way. The brain is similar to a computer which organises and files the information we absorb, which then either gets put in to our short term memory or our long term memory depending on the importance the brain decides to give it which in turn depends on the beliefs we have already developed and then everything else that hasn’t been stored in the conscious mind finds it’s way into our subconscious mind. This part of our mind is so vast it would take lifetimes to re-cover.

Every moment is filled with information that the subconscious stores and then uses to direct the way we navigate our life.

What most of us don’t get taught however is that trauma is formed by how we interpret an event, which means the event doesn’t have to be recognised as trauma or even something negative, initially.

It’s how we perceive and interpret the event or experience.

So when you’re 3 years old and you spend your first day at kindergarten or school away from the safety of your parents, your home, your own familiarity-that could be processed by your 3 year old self as trauma which you then may develop a core belief about the experience of the world you’re in-even though, and this is very important- even though a couple of days later you start enjoying kindergarten and there’s no sign of upset. The moment of experienced trauma which was interpreted as a conflict, shock, emotional disturbance of some sort and maybe a feeling of being out of one’s depth is the moment a neurological pathway is formed about the event or experience in order to warn you next time it is remotely reminded about the event. This then shows up again through the language of the body which shows up as dis-ease or dis-stress.

For example, say you were wearing a blue jumper that smelt of grass that day at kindergarten and then years later you start a new job. Even though you’re excited, you still feel the apprehension and as you walk in to your new job as a teacher or cleaner maybe in a school, and the school uniforms blue and it’s summer so the grass has just been cut outside……you suddenly find yourself developing overwhelming anxiety and maybe even hayfever as you continue to go to work daily. This is not your body turning against you, it is simply your body looking out for you and letting you know it remembers this feeling and these environmental ques and it’s warning you you’re not safe so do something about it. Fortunately you don’t need to leave your job to do something about it. You can dive in to your own sub conscious and rewrite the messages it’s relaying and thus the body responds. Firstly because you’ve changed the message and secondly you’re listening and responding in a very healthy, empowering way.

This works with everything. We are beings that create and learn from our environment and this is our biggest hindrance and at the same time our asset toward growth and learning.

It takes courage to face our fears and to sit with our pain and within that courage, self love is ignited. These are the stepping stones of emotion that will lead you to understand your needs and develop your ability to nurture yourself or at least giving you permission to nurture parts of yourself. We all have to start where we are and what we have in the moment. So don’t judge yourself or expect more than what you have to give yourself right now. Just have courage to take that step.

I invite you to look at where you maybe feeling unmet in your life or maybe finding a situation or symptom challenging and just sit with it for at least 10 minutes, quietly. Don’t push it away or recoil just accept it’s there and then start to look at the shape and colour it takes and notice the intensity of the emotion it’s holding even if that is numbness and void of feeling-this is till a quality that holds a message. Now tap the ends of the pads of your fingers over and over gently giving yourself permission to feel what is coming up, as it is, and to cry or get angry privately with whatever is showing up.

Now get a pen and piece of paper and write a letter to yourself from the challenge or symptom without thinking as you write - it will not make sense at first but stay with it and gradually you’ll find some information will start to make sense.

For example……..Dear Jess, this is your tiredness and this is what I’d like you to know…….

You’ll be amazed after some practice what a good self help tool this is.

I have been fortunate enough to find many therapies and tools to help me along my own journey of trauma and I now help facilitate others healing with the experience and training I have gained along the way.

If you would like to have a friendly chat about life and to see if I am the right person to guide you, I am here with love and willingness and freely give my time for a chat with no expectations.

With love

Jess